Apple put on quite the show at the 2024 edition of its Worldwide Developers Conference, unveiling many new features with AI at the center of it all, which the company has branded “Apple Intelligence.” The fruit company that dabbles in tech also announced plenty of other “new” features. Here’s a brief rundown of what will soon be coming to an Apple product near you:

  • iOS 18 redesign of the photos app, upgraded satellite messaging
  • The ability to hide and lock apps
  • An incestuous integration of ChatGPT’s AI with its own
  • Placing icons wherever the heck you want
  • Password Manager & Authenticator
  • Upgraded iPadOS featuring the new ‘Math Notes’ within the calculator app
  • macOS Sequoia, which brings new continuity between iPhone and Mac
  • watchOS 11 with added personalization as well as upgrades to health and fitness insights
  • The Apple Vision Pro visionOS2 upgrade
  • tvOS18 is adding new features like InSight and updates to enhance dialogue and subtitles.

Now, that may seem like a lot, and we are just scratching the surface. If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, watch the entire hour and 43-minute presentation. Just be warned; life is fleeting, and you’ll never get that time back.

And don’t get us wrong — all these new updates are great but here are a few things we wish Apple had announced at WWDC.

Mind Your Own Business Mode

Who else hates it when reading a text or viewing some questionable NSFW content and someone is having a peek over your shoulder? This feature would detect foreign eyeballs on your screen and emit a UV flash that will momentarily obstruct those prying eyes. It will only last a few seconds, but that’s plenty of time for them to get the message. Remember to disable the feature when showing granny pics you took on vacation.

Auto-Excuse Generator

Like watching anything on Bravo or TLC, getting invited to things is heartwarming and horrifying. This new feature would use Apple Intelligence in a way that would really benefit humanity. The system analyzes your messages from the people in your life and crafts excuses based on your lifestyle that are accurate enough to be believed but vague enough not to be questioned. Let’s say a former coworker invites you to their child’s first birthday. Just tell Siri, “Make up an excuse,” and she’ll get right to work. Your inviter will get a response that is tailored to you, such as: “I would love to, but I twisted my ankle while cosplaying Naruto Uzumaki.” That’s sure to get you an obligatory “Feel better,” and nothing more.

Snarky Siri Mode

Speaking of Siri, like any long-term relationship, things get stale. Nothing stirs up more emotion than sarcasm and condescension. For instance, you ask Siri for the weather, and you’ll get a response: “It will be 72 and sunny today, the perfect weather for jogging, but lord knows you don’t exercise.” It works for music, too. “Siri, play ‘boygenius,’ and you’ll get a backhanded response: “I see someone is still in a mood.”

Significant Other Mood Interpreter

This feature analyzes the pitch, pace and pauses in your significant other’s voice. It also offers helpful hints like, “Sounds like someone needs a compliment... or maybe just some space.” It’s like having Jaime Bronstein in your pocket! But this feature’s bread and butter is Argument Autocomplete. It’s like regular text autocompletes; the iPhone suggests your subsequent response so you can solve conflicts faster. “Partner feels unheard, proper response: ‘I do more talking than listening and that stops today!’”

Snack Suggestion

We end with something sweet. When enabled, Apple Intelligence analyzes the time of day, preference, budget and current emotional state and suggests the right snack for you at the given moment. Just got broken up with? Ice cream is just what the doctor ordered, but payday is a few days away, so it suggested the Great Value brand over the Häagen-Dazs. DoorDash and GrubHub integration will allow said snack to arrive on your doorstep in no time!

So there you have it. If anyone from Apple is reading this, take notes because this is what your consumers want. And bring back the original Space Grey to the iPhone while you’re at it.

Share:
More In Business
New York Times, after Trump post, says it won’t be deterred from writing about his health
The New York Times and President Donald Trump are fighting again. The news outlet said Wednesday it won't be deterred by Trump's “false and inflammatory language” from writing about the 79-year-old president's health. The Times has done a handful of stories on that topic recently, including an opinion column that said Trump is “starting to give President Joe Biden vibes.” In a Truth Social post, Trump said it might be treasonous for outlets like the Times to do “FAKE” reports about his health and "we should do something about it.” The Republican president already has a pending lawsuit against the newspaper for its past reports on his finances.
OpenAI names Slack CEO Dresser as first chief of revenue
OpenAI has appointed Slack CEO Denise Dresser as its first chief of revenue. Dresser will oversee global revenue strategy and help businesses integrate AI into daily operations. OpenAI CEO Sam Altman recently emphasized improving ChatGPT, which now has over 800 million weekly users. Despite its success, OpenAI faces competition from companies like Google and concerns about profitability. The company earns money from premium ChatGPT subscriptions but hasn't ventured into advertising. Altman had recently announced delays in developing new products like AI agents and a personal assistant.
Trump approves sale of more advanced Nvidia computer chips used in AI to China
President Donald Trump says he will allow Nvidia to sell its H200 computer chip used in the development of artificial intelligence to “approved customers” in China. Trump said Monday on his social media site that he had informed China’s leader Xi Jinping and “President Xi responded positively!” There had been concerns about allowing advanced computer chips into China as it could help them to compete against the U.S. in building out AI capabilities. But there has also been a desire to develop the AI ecosystem with American companies such as chipmaker Nvidia.
Trump says Netflix deal to buy Warner Bros. ‘could be a problem’ because of size of market share
President Donald Trump says a deal struck by Netflix last week to buy Warner Bros. Discovery “could be a problem” because of the size of the combined market share. The Republican president says he will be involved in the decision about whether federal regulators should approve the deal. Trump commented Sunday when he was asked about the deal as he walked the red carpet at the Kennedy Center Honors. The $72 billion deal would bring together two of the biggest players in television and film and potentially reshape the entertainment industry.
What to know about changes to Disney parks’ disability policies
Disney's changes to a program for disabled visitors are facing challenges in federal court and through a shareholder proposal. The Disability Access Service program, which allows disabled visitors to skip long lines, was overhauled last year. Disney now mostly limits the program to those with developmental disabilities like autism who have difficulty waiting in lines. The changes have sparked criticism from some disability advocates. A shareholder proposal submitted by disability advocates calls for an independent review of Disney's disability policies. Disney plans to block this proposal, claiming it's misleading. It's the latest struggle by Disney to accommodate disabled visitors while stopping past abuses by some theme park guests.
Load More